Here is a warning to everyone out there….it is going to be a rough week. Maybe it has already hit you or perhaps you are the person delivering the bad news. All I know is a lot of people are looking to break up and a lot of it has to do with money.
Love, Money, and Relationships
Love is fantastic and horrible…just like money. It can make you or break you and the mismanagement of one is usually a problem for the other. Both take a lot of time and ongoing effort to really master. The neglect of love and/or finances always leads to negative results.
I Can’t Date You
I have seen a huge surge all of a sudden the last several days on a certain article on my site “I’m Sorry We Can’t Date, We Are Financially Incompatible.”
Lots and lots of searches for:
“I’m sorry we can’t date”
“sorry can’t date you”
“sorry can’t date your money”
“sorry can’t date money”
“sorry can’t date money issues”
“sorry can’t date because of finances”
And they are all leading to my article. I’m glad that folks are stopping by but it appears there is a whole lot of bad news that is going to be delivered soon.
Valentine’s Day – Deep Reflections
It’s interesting how a holiday about love really makes us take a big look at the big picture of life. Do we really want to keep going and continue in a relationship that appears doomed? Do you want to stay with someone that has problems with money or that has a huge amount of consumer debt?
Valentine’s Day is Every Day
For my wife, I asked her if there was anything specific she would like to do this weekend since it’s Valentine’s and also a three-day weekend with the Monday holiday. My wife is very blunt and honest and isn’t a huge fan of Valentine’s and basically said, “I expect you to treat me like it’s Valentine’s every day…not just once a year.”
I think that is awesome and a true expectation. She also has the big picture in mind and doesn’t want me to “waste” a ton of money on flowers “that will just die” and candy.
(She does love flowers, but when it’s a surprise and not because it’s forced or have to because of a holiday,) True love for her is a daily commitment to help out with our daughter even when I’m busy and tired with work and be kind, honest, and fully engaged as a spouse….not just one day of “extra” attention a year.
You can’t make up for disengagement in a relationship by buying your way out of it…it’s actually more disrespectful to think that your spouse/significant other can be bought off.
Maybe It Is A You Problem
However, for some of you, the time has come to end the relationship. You are done and want out or you are being the one dumped. Man, I really feel awful for you. What a horrible time to get dumped, I’ve been there before, but it happens and usually, there is someone better out there for you.
However, if you are a financial mess maybe you might want to consider the following…unless you like being dumped.
How Is Your Financial Self?
Are you a mess financially? Do you think others find that attractive in a partner? Life is hard enough on your own let alone to take on someone else’s problems. Do you think there are people who are looking for the following attributes in others:
- Lazy and don’t know how much money they have.
- Spend all their money the second they earn it plus go into debt.
- Can’t hold a job and have no long-term career aspirations.
How about the other way around: do you find people who have their financial affairs in order more attractive? Let’s look at these attributes:
- Know how to budget.
- Spend less than they make.
- Value relationships over money.
- Value hard/smart work.
Financial Items to Talk & Consider When In A Relationship
- Do you know what your partner makes or spends and what their financial obligations are?
- Do you know how good their credit score is? Do you know yours?
- What are your long-term goals: career, family, retirement?
- Do you want to manage your money together, how about accounts?
- Are you going to allow each other to spend freely or do you talk about expenditures? Will you have joint or separate accounts?
- Are you a total a-hole that has to control every cent and dominates everything in the home and not allow the other person to spend a penny without consultation?
- Are you hiding spending from each other (financial infidelity?)
- What do you know about investing? What do you want to do with your money in the future? Are you willing to learn and take the time together to make these decisions?
- Are your financial problems really financial or issues of your partner/spouse?
- Do you believe you deserve all that your parents have and have worked for even though it took them decades to get there?
- Are you going to buy your dream home right at the start of your relationship and leave yourself financially strapped and stressed for the next few decades?
This list could go on and on. You have to remember it is a life-long process and situations will change. Patience is needed because you are both learning and sometimes mistakes are made and help you become better.
As for those that are getting dumped. Sorry about that…but it’s better to be alone than with someone that isn’t committed financially or with their heart ….maybe next year.
For the rest of you who don’t think finances are a big deal in a relationship and you continue to neglect them, I guess you can keep swiping right….am I right?
